dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
