New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
