even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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