My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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