I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
