I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Farmville is her only friend.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
