I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
