You smell like stripper and shame
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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