how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
