So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
