I want to have your abortion
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
