I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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