whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
