If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
