I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I smell like Dick and happiness
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
