Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
