So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
