The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
