I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
