if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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