porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
