i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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