Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
