I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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