yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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