I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
