I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
pray to the hookup gods
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
