Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
