You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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