Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
