So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
