Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
