Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
