She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
