go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Randomize
