How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think my fart just growled at me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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