Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
