I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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