Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
