My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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