It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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