I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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