And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
