Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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