im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
