Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When did angry sex become our thing?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
