when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
