fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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