We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
