god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As shirtless as possible
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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