My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Drake has all the answers
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
